Cleansed of my sins

Everything can change because of just one person

2009-05-23T13:33:16Z

There's this void within me
I know why it exists
Believe me, I've tried to fill it
And during the day I feel like I have
---There's someone else
But at the end of the day
When I'm trying to fall asleep
I wish you were next to me

I miss your smell
I miss you rubbing my back
I miss us never staying awake through a movie
I miss staying up til 4am
I miss your hand reaching for mine
I miss your innocent smile
I miss you carelessly playing your guitar
I miss kissing you goodnight

I'll see you at 1 today.

----Please don't move.

Can I quote you for a second?

2009-04-28T06:24:10Z

I'm not the type to confront someone
I let it linger inside of me
I can deal with everything life has to offer on my own
There's no need to flip out on someone
I hope you don't mind if I quote from text what you sent to me:
"How about this well take it slow and in a month when i show you that im in and mean it! we can call it a relationship and actually date!"
That was April 1
It's April 28.
Good job.

It's 2:24am
Take it for what it is
You've heard worse from me.

2:08am..what good can come of it?

2009-04-28T06:17:35Z

After a long talk with Becki at Tannersville Inn then Pocono Pub...I've realized alot.
Unfortunately.

I've been a big believer in holding on
Hoping for the best
That everything works out
I think that's why I'm such a calm person
I think that all went to hell tonight
I. Can't. Believe. I. Trusted. A. Word. You. Said.

I have these dreams
They only happen every once in awhile
I have this dream where two people are hanging out
To get into more detail:
I owned a house and lived with 3 other people
One of those people had an ex-girlfriend over in my kitchen
I questioned what was going on...
Back to real life:I woke up with a strange feeling in the middle of the night
And then today
I find out they were in fact hanging out the night before
While I was dreaming of them
I'm beyond creeped out.
I also have these strong gut feelings
I've had them for as long as I can remember
They've never been wrong
EVER.
Sorry.

And for some reason
I still want you.

Only for a Second

2009-04-18T22:11:43Z

My life is on a 6 month merry-go-round
I don't want that anymore
But I can't get it to stop

I'm sick of being sick
I'm sick of wasting time
I'm sick of the games
I'm sick of the confusion

I know who I am
I know what I have to offer
And when I've moved on
You'll be the one feeling like a fool
When you realize what you've lost...

It's the thoughts that boil up inside of you...

2009-02-28T03:40:02Z

That will make you lose your mind.

Everything is spiraling out of control
And there is nothing I can do about it

I don't want to be alone anymore.

:)

2008-12-26T05:41:18Z

I am speechless.

♥

Sometimes people change

2008-12-24T04:22:10Z

And it will be unexpected
And quite unfortunate

Time heals that which reality cannot.
Take it to heart
It's the only advice to live by.

Christmas in two days.

Almost

2008-06-04T22:02:12Z

I think it's about that time
To move
Out of this town
Out of this county
Out of this state

I want to grow up
I want to stay young
I want to be 5 and run around the playground
I'm just a kid turning 22 in 6 months

Rewind
or
Fast forward
Someone's hit pause
Just on my life
Not on reality

I feel refreshed
I feel so dirty

Move with me?

I've taken a hint

2008-05-26T01:31:30Z

Finally.
It took me a little while
But I've read the signs
Read the words
Read the body language

When you're unhappy
Remember you could have been
You would have been
You couldn't let go

The past is the past
If you can't remember that
You'll never move on
You'll never be happy
The wounds will never heal

Can't we all just be more straightforward?
Save each other time
I hate wasting time

March 24, 2005

2008-05-02T04:27:07Z

Three years ago, I was a genius.
Three years ago, I felt the same way I do now.
Three years ago, my closest friends were down the road.
Three years ago, this is what I had to say...
...and it took the words right out of my mouth today.
You cannot do everything you set your mind to. Love will not last forever. The memories you cherish now will be long gone by the time you're out of college. Lies are the way of the world.
Everyone lies. I lie. My friends lie. My mom lies. My dad lies. My brother lies. And eventually it will come and fuck us in the ass. For some reason I always know when I'm being lied to. For some reason I always know everybody's little secrets and every so often i get to the breaking point. The point where sometimes there's no one to turn to. A point where crying is not the option and thinking just drives you more insane. When this happens I just sit there. I sit and wait until I'm about to freak out and just when i'm to the point of causing some unfixable damage, it all goes away. A simple hug, tears are shed, words are spoken, anything to show some sort of hope in the future.
I wish I could erase the past several months from my mind. Back when I knew nothing because right now it's eating me inside. I almost spilled the secret twice, but it's not my place to say.
May 1,2008-Wow! I was one insightful bitch :)

ALLISON COLL GO READ MARCH 16, 2006 ENTRY!

2008-05-02T03:33:59Z

They'd need the sharpest shears to cut this knot in my stomach.

The thing people do not realize
Is there are eyes everywhere
Someone who knows someone is watching your moves
Reporting back to make the healing time quicker.
(What'd you expect from a daughter of a private investigator?)

Where does a gut feeling come from?
Do only some people get them?
Most are wrong, but what if yours are always right?
I made my feeling known to a few
$1 per person who doubted it
Or choked on their drink at the thought
You can do better than that (her)?
But do not worry I won't tell anyone
It can be our beautiful secret

Times are Changing

2008-05-01T20:40:07Z

I hear ya loud and clear finally
---We weren't on the same frequency.
My wall has crumbled from a simple crack
---Bulldozer away the remains.
Buckle up, I'm speeding out of this town
---But I'm running on E.
I left tire marks outside your house
---You'll have to remember me.

I'm stepping out of my rut today
It was alot more shallow than I had thought
Maybe the time spent wasn't all it was cracked up to be

............It was.

How it goes

2008-01-07T05:46:47Z

People grow up, they change...sometimes this brings them closer sometimes it pulls them apart

December 4

2007-12-04T00:08:23Z

Yessss to no underages
Hellooo to the bars

Maturing or just pushed by time?

2007-09-25T13:52:39Z

I am finally thinking of my future
Internships, jobs, 401ks, cars, houses, boats
I think I am finally set on a future
The luck of messing up?
I signed up for an accounting class that I thought was a required business class
I was wrong
It's actually an accounting majors course
It's with my favorite professor
I can't complain
Looks like my mistake ended up sorting out my future
I love it.

I can't wait to graduate and go off into the working world
Even though 9-5 jobs are rare

I am just in shock that I've sorted out my future
By a simple mistake of scheduling.

3rd year already?

2007-08-28T18:54:43Z

I really don't know how it has been 3 years already.
I've changed my mind on what I wanted to do probably 20 times.
That's the thing about college...
No one judges you for changing your mind.
The only thing I've learned is... I love money.

KOP

2007-08-07T02:34:16Z

Spent the whole day at the mall with Dave and Amanda
Bought absolutely nothing
---Earrings, flip flops, polo, flip flops
Chanel shades $350
Nothing like those fools at $140 and $300
I was so determined to end up broke too
I'm wayyy too picky
I'm going shopping tomorrow after work
& online

Almost died going done
Screw people who don't know how to merge
Coming home was interesting
We might possibly be insane

It's Raining Outside

2007-07-04T23:29:46Z

And it's the fourth of July.

Can't wait for payday..
Pedicure
Hair

Three Entries in One Day?!

2007-05-23T17:15:28Z

So I just read back to last year on my livejournal. I must get a summer itch...
June 27, 2006

I feel like my life is at a stand still
I need out of this town
I love everyone dearly but I want change
I mean move out
Live on my own
Have debt
Enter the real world
I don't want to rely on mommy and daddy anymore
I want my own place
Someplace I can come home to knowing it is mine
I just want to move on past all this bullshit
I might just leave ESU
And move
Now.
Today.
Tonight.

Certain areas of my life are slightly messed up right now
I have alot of thinking to do
Do I take a chance?
What if I get hurt?
Isn't life about taking chances and hoping for the best?
But what if those chances are the same one you have been taking over and over again
Is it really a chance if you know the outcome before you even take it?
I think I just made my decision without even thinking

Goodbye

------My life has not changed one bit
I sit here today
Questioning things of yesterday
I think too much
Maybe I don't think enough

It's funny how she said,
"She'll want to go back to Cleveland"
And all you said is "Good I hope she does"
Cleveland is not my intention
You'd be able to find me there.

I'm a nerd.

2007-05-23T17:04:18Z

Dean's list. I'll take it!

I need a change...

2007-05-23T16:58:08Z

I miss my grandpa!
I don't know what it is lately, but I just find myself crying and thinking about him. He's been gone almost 2 years and I'm not even close to being over it. We dropped some of my bro's stuff off at Gram's on Monday and she gave me the biggest hug. I need to see her more.

I'm really considering moving to North Carolina. I need a change of scenery desperately. I may as well while I can before I get a career going. Going to my brother's graduation out in Cleveland (2 awards for excellence in sociology and engineering with communications and computer, and duel degrees in sociology and electrical engineering, cum laude)--I am very proud of him regardless of how I act about everything. I hope he loves Law school! Anyhow, being in Cleveland was a real eye opener. I don't want to be in Pennsylvania anymore. I didn't want to leave Ohio. It was absolutely GORGEOUS!!! I need to apply to new schools.

I need a change of place and a change of faces. This place is officially a shithole.
There's nothing really here for me anymore. I am 20 years old, time to grow up and move on (Some people need to take this advice as well). Zorn and I will be taking over NC shortly.

2 years...

2006-12-30T05:19:28Z

HAHAHA
I must be some sort of idiot

I'm going to go wash that last bit of sand
Off of my feet
To wash away that entire memory

Dirty Jersey

2006-12-25T07:30:34Z

I spent Saturday
Running in the sand
Climbing on rocks
Sandy Hook
I love you
The beach and I have a love affair
I can't say the same for myself and Jersey
Although i did enjoy
Singing and dancing hour after hour
In the Blazer

Thank You
You made my Christmas!

December 4...to not be a teen

2006-12-13T21:51:17Z

Things that shocked me:
Kati calling at midnight
Kristine calling at 12:30
2894 birthday wishes

Some of the unexpected cannot be described in words:

Parents Couch...

2006-12-02T06:48:35Z

There is no where else to go
When you are kicked out of your own home
at 1am
For selfish reasoning

Thank you!!